Inspired by an invigorating and stimulating conversation with an amazing friend of mine, I was contemplating yet again what it means to find my personal passion. Pondering once more about how dreams and passions mold our lives and our children’s future. How do we guide our children to follow their hearts? How do we explain that doing the right thing is often the hardest choice? Going after your passion usually involves taking a risk. I remember during one difficult time in our lives a wise man once said something so simple yet so true. “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” This is what resonates in my mind when facing life decisions such as having kids, changing jobs, moving, choosing your life’s work, caring for an aging parent, or helping a struggling child.
As a parent it is often difficult to trust the choices our young people make. Drawing from my own childhood, I remember wanting to do, learn, and experience everything. Even though my mindset was ‘sky’s the limit’, my early dreams were quite modest. My greatest ambition was to live at the lake and somehow make gas and food money. That was all. I longed for simple living & adored connecting with Mother Earth.
Then there was the dream of becoming an astronaut. Years later I realized it was more about the hours dad and I spent staring into the clear summer nights than wanting to actually experience outer space. It was about the potential of the unknown, but even more so, it was about connecting with my Dad.
Another time, initially inspired by my own bout as a patient at the age of 14, I felt destined to be a nurse. I had it all planned how I would be through nursing school and be working by 19 or maybe 21 if I got an RN. It was a powerful pull. I wanted so much to care for others, to connect in such a meaningful way.
By 9th grade, I also wanted to be a writer. But, after announcing this at dinner one night, my parents’ honest reply was ‘but how will you make any money?’ Unfortunately, I quickly took that dream off the table as a viable option for making a living. I know now how writing connects me to anyone who reads my words in a moving, intimate, and immediate way.
And then, there was my absolute love affair with basketball. My husband has often voiced, “You should’ve been a coach, Sher.” Hindsight is 20/20, of course. Coaxing people to be better than they were yesterday and molding individual skill sets into a unified team able to read one another with a subtle glance was very, very attractive.
As an adult I discovered photography, another love of mine. Capturing a moment in time touched the lives of each client. Shooting my own children truly weaves into the fabric of our lives. Photographs connect us within the family over long distances, over a lifetime. But more than that, our great, great, great grandchildren will know, at least visually, their ancestors.
The reality, however, is that having so many interests, so many directions as a young adult made it extremely difficult to pull focus on a major in college and subsequently a satisfying career. As I was finishing high school with high grades, basketball, and every extra circular activity our small town school had to offer, I had no idea what major to pursue. Making that decision via finding my passion wasn’t even on the radar. All I knew for sure was I loved basketball, music, writing, and people, and that I was going to college. Sophomore year rolled around and still I was unsure but had worked my butt off playing college basketball, a walk on, and loved it, lived for it. The game was in my head. I thought plays, strategies, camaraderie, and teamwork. So, naturally, I majored in engineering.
Now, as a parent, if I saw my daughter in early college putting that much heart and soul into something and then watched her major in engineering simply because she excelled in math and science, I would be highly suspicious that her mind trumped her heart. I know my parents just wanted me to get an education and worked so hard to make that happen but what kind of education is perhaps the bigger question. In hindsight, this all worked out. As it turns out, there was also a man involved. He was my passion and became my husband, father of our children.
As for the curriculum, I honestly cannot remember getting excited about a single math, engineering, or science class. I just continued engineering because it sounded like the right thing to do. I new I could make decent money working in the real world but it did not come from the heart. And, after a while it seemed like a waste of time and money to change to anything else. How sad is that?
I share all of that as an example of being young and undecided. Unfortunately, not everyone knows what he or she wants to do at an early age. Fast forward a couple of decades into my own parenthood adventure. I now expect myself as a parent to lead and nudge these young ones we are blessed and honored to raise in a direction that will help them find their true passion in life, help them find what they want out of life, help them find what really makes them tick and loose track of time. That one passion that calls to them in such a way they feel incomplete if they ignore it.
I so envy those lucky souls who simply know what they are meant to do in this life. My husband is one of those people. I admire his conviction to follow his calling. Doing so has lead to much success, knowledge, and personal satisfaction in the field of computer architecture. Another of those lucky souls is an amazing friend of mine who summed it up when she said, “my Bill & my kids are my IT”. She new at a very early age that being a mom and caring for her family was exactly what she wanted to do in life. Her confidence in pursuing her passion to have children, stay home and raise them has lead to much success, knowledge, and personal satisfaction as well. Two different people following different passions. Their lives are constantly dynamic, always educating, forever challenging. The ride is invigorating: good work. It’s what makes them tick.
Now, recognizing it in others and finding it for myself are two very different things. With that said, I am very proud and thrilled to have reached my personal conclusion. I may have lost my way here and there, for this reason or that, but down deep I am simply a people person. One of the most satisfying things in life for me is nurturing bonds and building those connections between people. I feel more confident than ever that my passion is connecting.
As a mother, I choose to connect even though there are risks. I choose to care, heal, and fill needs. I choose to spend time just ‘being’ with the ones I love. I choose to share my thoughts, journal our history, and capture our memories in time. I choose to be part of a team, part of something bigger than the sum of the pieces. I choose to connect. I choose to mother. I always have and always will. It’s what I love. It’s what I do. I mother.
Nothing calls to me louder or with more power than mothering. It’s what’s closest to my heart. Seems kind of funny to be twelve years and five kiddos into parenting and only just see it so clearly. But, what I know for sure is this. As I once again embrace this role I am so privileged to have, the rest of the world simply fades away.
It is my dream to help my children tune into their own hearts a little earlier in their lives than dear old mom so they can live their dream with confidence all along. As for my part in it? I am going to do my darndest to mother them throughout the journey and to keep in mind that the best things in life are usually the most challenging. At last, I found my passion or perhaps my passion found me. Besides, as my husband says, “if it was easy, everyone would do it.”
